Sunday, May 13, 2007

The Great Search: Hong Kong's Most Eligible Bachelor

Hey everybody! Okay, so they say there are plenty of fish in the sea, but as my good and very intelligent friend Stephanie Manson pointed out to me a couple of weeks ago, the ocean tends to be very, very polluted and nobody ever mentions THAT to you, do they. So here it is - a record of my findings as I have attempted to seek out HK's most eligible bachelor.

I feel I should explain a little what this is all about. Basically, it's just me being sick to death of meeting guys who make you think they're fabulous and then revealing a month or two down the line that they're really not. Since summer 2006 this has happened to me… 4 times. Each male has either turned out to be emotionally unavailable, harboring rather deeply disturbing skeletons in their closets, or a chauvinistic moron. Since I seem to have such bad luck with the male species, I've decided to make light of it and turn it about into a bit of a laugh for everybody to enjoy. Plus, this way everybody can read it and I don't have to repeat my in-depth and sometimes startlingly mundane stories four or five times a day in order for my friends to keep up to date on my current relationship (or lack of) status.

Everybody these days seems to go about meeting new guys by going partying, drinking, clubbing, and picking lots of guys up, hooking up with them, giving them your number and then never hearing from them again. I've tried and tested that method and I came to the conclusion that it SUCKS, it doesn't work, so I moved onto other methods. If I was looking for a one-night stand with a member of the HK rugby team, a bar or club might be an excellent setting to do it in. Similarly, if my search was called the, I don't know, say, "Search for HK's SEEMINGLY Most Eligible Bachelor Who Actually Already Has Children To Another Woman", this might be a good way to go about it. But who wants that? SO.

First of all, I logged onto myspace.com and, just for laughs, ran a search for single men in Hong Kong between the ages of 19 and 25, looking to date women. It came up with hundreds of options. 479 to be exact. And so, faithful that I am, I went through each and every one, looking for one that might be somewhat dateable – to no avail, evidently, because I'm still single and have no dates set up between now and forever. There were short men, tall men, fat men, skinny men and muscular men. Chinese men, Korean men, Japanese, Black and Caucasian. Butchers, bakers, candle-stick makers, literally crowds of men. I also came across a couple of 13 year old girls that had put that they were 23 year old males looking for women to date, I assume just for gags, otherwise they have some serious complexes they need to see a therapist about, sharp-ish. But my soulmate, people, is still nowhere to be found. Oh well, better luck next time.

I came across a new website shortly after that, a link that a long-lost friend had sent me – friendfinder.com. Worth a try, thought I, so I filled in all the necessary information, plus answering some additional questions that I did wonder about – my bra size, for one. I submitted my form, uploaded a picture, and waited. Within three minutes I had received two invitations to join a married couple and a lesbian couple for sex, and only then did I realize I had not joined the clean friendfinder.com – the website I had somehow been redirected to was adultfriendfinder.com. Links to various porn sites are still popping up sporadically all over my screen. Conundrum!

Needless to say, I ended my search there for the day. Call me weak, I just felt I couldn't deal with any more penis appearing on my screen. So, I will continue my search if and when I get some time and I will keep you all posted, mostly because it's a therapeutical outlet for me if I'm honest :).

11 comments:

Johnny said...

YAY I read it first. Looking forward to the future of this Hayley! SHOOOT FOR ZE STARS!

matt said...

I READ IT SECOND!!! woooohooo... woah a member of the hong kong rugby team.. sounds darring.. but good job hayley, thats a really good read! keep up the good work!

Simone Lam said...

it was brilliant! hahah so funny. i love it. and when you become famous one day i can say, yeh i went to english class with hayley and she cut my hair in the class and we sat under the tables when we very carefully listened to teh teacher and learnt many valuable things. yayy xx

Ling Fung said...

lol hayley oh dear, is this a big piece of rambling (like a dairy one)? I don't know do they all do this kind of rambling in those girly novels and magazines but for me I didn't quite see the main point of the article. But still, I like you quick tone which fits your diction quite well. :)

PS You can date me; I know I'm way too good for you but I've got pity for you ;)

Helen said...

how does this thing know my name !? sneaky..
haha i wonder if i put anonymous u could guess who i was by this.. ne whooo to the point
i'm not sure whether im supposed to be reading this as a friend who is reading your xanga post kind of thing or a friend who is making comments on an essay you're about to hand in ?
if its the latter, then i think you have a good tone, but i think you make it too personal, i know it has to be personal in some respect a it is YOU who is finding the bachelor and it is kind of like a weekly diary you would find in a magazine. But, its too personal for e.g... when u say 'people' referring to us in it and when you mention that you have had 4 relationships going bad recently, you should maybe mention that you- LIKE OTHERS- have had bad relationships. I like the metaphor at the beginning about the polluted waters, its clever. soo, i think you are on the right directon =)

samuel said...

haha. good luck.

Libby said...

bahahaha i couldnt stop laughing, im sorry but i doubt anyone of the million people in hong kong will be a very good soulmate
loving the article but to give some constructive criticism i sort of agree with helen, although it was you who was doing the searching, if you want people to relate to it you may need to be slightly more general about the we's and the naming people, but funny and entertaining article anyway!
love ya my talented friend hehe
xx

Anonymous said...
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dante said...

haha keep it up. :)

Anonymous said...

Honestly Hayley, this is a great piece. Having done IB and a year of college, I can safely say that I've read a lot of bullshit lately. Now, it's pretty easy to discern what is truly engaging writing, what is an attempt to write well, and what is just pure crap. Your writing most definitely fell into the first category.

I am no guru of journalism, so I wouldn't go as far as to offer constructive criticism, or even advice (could be the blind leading the blind). What I will say is that judging purely on the fact that your long-ish post surprisingly held my attention, I think you are bound to have many good years in the field of journalism.

All the very best, and keep writing

Ashwin

Ling Fung said...

Totally agree with Helen. :)