Thursday, March 27, 2008

Contemplating Fear


I used to pretend that I wasn't scared of anything. I thought it was brave, to never show fear or react to scary situations. As a little girl, as silly as it sounds now, I wanted to be a pirate. I devoured any book, movie or TV show that advrtized or starred pirates. I wanted to be a pirate because they fought in battles, they dealt with imnpossible situations, they overcame everything. Pirates were brave.

Then one day, when I was 16, a lot of things fell apart for me. And ever since then I've been learning that to fear isn't to be a coward. A brave person isn't a person who never gets scared. Real bravery is taking in a frightening situation, admitting that you're terrified, and then dealing with it anyway. Real bravery is fighting DESPITE being scared. Real bravery is admitting your fears to other people, and being vulnerable to them.

So, these are some of the things that I'm afraid of:

1. Creaks in the dark.
2. Being alone, forever.
3. The world forgetting about me.
4. Not making my parents proud.
5. Frogs and toads.
6. Being robbed.
7. Demons and spirits.
8. Living.
9. Hurting my friends.
10. Judgement day.

4 comments:

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Anonymous said...

yeeesh, well-opened up dudey. jus for the record, im scrrreeechingly terrified of
1. failure- for God, mostly
2. being left behind (not reaching uni ever, haha!)
3. judgement (when i fail)
4. finding somebody amazing, only to then suddenly lose her somehow
5. to live a transcient lifestyle forever, hence always having to make new friends and never keep them, spending a lifetime of heartache for all the people i love and cant see.
6. failure (thats worth saying again).

im sure there're more if i wasnt too tired and could concentrate properly.

andy x

michelle said...

hayley,

i am so impressed with your blog! i have thus far been an invisible reader, but as i've now read all your posts i feel it would be creepy for me to continue without making myself known. because i AM impressed. writing is obviously a very cathartic process for you, but i really enjoy reading it too.

i await your next post with great anticipation.

xxx

michelle said...

p.s. lets not kid ourselves. i remember you wanting to be a pirate as late as year TEN...